Remembering Kyle Stidham
SideTracked Magazine 2008
by Jeremy Adkins

It’s always heartbreaking to lose someone you love. But in the case of Matthew Kyle Stidham, those who knew him spend more energy celebrating his life, a life he often critically examined and lived to the fullest. Most people consider their jobs as their lives and everything revolves around a career . Their sidetracks are just for the time they have left over. Kyle Stidham was a man who lived his sidetracks as his life and everything else revolved around his passion. He only worked to live, and didn’t live to work.
Kyle lived in northwest Alabama up until moving to Auburn, where he graduated with honors and received a teaching degree. He was raised by his parents in a conservative Christian home with one sister. He was always laid back and seldom got bent out of shape about anything. He was respectful of others and very highly respected. He was an avid outdoorsman. He attended Colorado Outdoor Adventure Guide School and became a certified hunting and survival guide. He loved basketball, hunting, fishing, four wheeling, mountain biking, hiking, camping, rock climbing and his passion, kayaking.
Many of Kyle’s kayaking friends told me he was a pro at paddling and a great guy. One friend even said he trusted Kyle with his life.

Kyle’s mom, Lisa Stidham:
“As far as what kind of paddler he was, I don’t know. I do know he was a great guy, and my only son. I have just now been able to surf the internet and read about Kyle. I know he had friends worldwide I never knew. His adventurous free-spirit led him to many places. I would really like to hear from anyone who knew him, and hear stories about him. I cannot describe the pain that I’m going through. His dad and sister are also grieving tremendously. God’s grace will be sufficient. It also seems to help me to get through these dark days when I hear from people who knew him and paddled with him. Paddling was in his blood, and he loved life in every aspect. Kyle would call, or write me and tell me about the beauty of God’s creation that could only be accessed by a kayak. He knew the dangers, but the thrill far outweighed the fear. I also knew it was dangerous, but I tried not to discourage him because I knew he lived and breathed whitewater. He wrote a letter to me indicating the dreaded thought of having to settle down to an everyday drudge. He said, “I guess I will return, settle down, and do what society expects of me.” God spared him of that dread. He took him doing his favorite thing. The adrenaline rush he was getting as he went through Awesome Gorge will never cease. God has given me complete peace as to where Kyle is now. We can’t imagine what he is doing up There. I just tend to believe he is having a blast. I do know the Bible says that there is water up There (The River of Life, and the Crystal Sea). I’ll bet that is some kind of water. He went from the Awesome Gorge on the Kaituna in New Zealand to the Awesome River of Life in Heaven.”

If the water was too low he found other ways to enjoy the outdoors. He loved mountain biking, rock climbing, hiking and camping. He had a quote on a scrape of paper that he used as a bookmark in one of his bibles that said: “I go to nature to be soothed and have my senses renewed once more.”

He relished and loved life with a passion that few people act on. Most of us settle into a preconceived box, a contraption too tight and rigid for any of us ever break from. We live day after day in a mundane complacent cast, and end up withering away. One day we wake up and it’s too late. We’re too old, or tied to obligations that make it impossible to do anything except live in regret of what could have been.

Though Kyle’s life was short lived, it was anything, and everything but rigid or materialistic. He lived every minute like it was his last. He jam packed as much adventure and thrill that he could possibly think up. He was a spur of the moment kind of guy. His friends told me that sometimes late at night he would just ‘out of the blue’ say something like, “Let’s go to the beach,” which was three and half hours away. Or, “Let’s go to Colorado,” which was 19 hours away. Or, “Let’s go to New Zealand,” which was 24 hours away on the opposite of the world. And that is exactly what he did. A quote about Kyle from one of his friends: “It’s hard to make a good name in a small town, easy to make a bad name in any town, and almost impossible to make a good name worldwide as Kyle did.”

Many of Kyle’s friends have told me that he turned their lives around. Daniel McCurry, a kayaker friend with him in New Zealand, told me many interesting things about Kyle and how he turned other peoples’ lives around.
Tyler Phillips spent many hours with Kyle, kayaking and working, and considered him his best friend.
Zac Seals, a roommate at Auburn, talked about how Kyle did so much for him, and also considered him his best friend.

He had many hometown friends from high school and college, who have told me how he positively influenced their lives. I have received emails and letters from around the world from people stating what a great guy and friend he was to them.

I’m so thankful to hear so many people say how good Kyle was to others. Of course his mother thinks he was great, but hearing his adventure-seeking friends speak so highly of him is a greater tribute to his nature and character. Below is an entry from one of Kyle’s journals that I found on November 23, 2007. It was one that he had with him when he was in Auburn. He did not date the entry, but it was probably written sometime between 2005-2007. This reveals so much about the way Kyle viewed life. There are many more profound entries.

“My theory of life”
Matthew Kyle Stidham
No matter how you look at it, life is strange. Very strange. For example, it’s an indisputable fact that we are all made of precisely the same substance as the most intelligent, creative, magnificent life-forms in the entire universe. Furthermore, we are composed of the exact same atomic matter as the mightiest mountains on this planet and the brightest stars in the galaxy. Of course, this is also true for potatoes, snails and meatloaf-perhaps that’s why there’s so much about life that doesn’t make a great deal of sense. For starters, why are we so overly impressed by and obsessed with objects and achievements of an immense scale, when it is actually the tiny little things that, when put together, make big things possible? Why do we try to create our own little worlds so we have the illusion of being completely in control of our entire existence, when we know with absolute certainty that we are not? Why do we go on and on about individuality being the very essence of who we are, and then accept a degrading level of conformity in virtually every facet of our lives? Why do children believe in fairies, but grown-ups don’t? And why do we get so hung up on what we don’t agree on, when in fact it’s our differences that make life interesting? After all, half the world is upside down, so there’s absolutely no reason why we would all agree on everything. Even something as basic and profound as “Don’t chew with your mouth open” is not as widely accepted as you might think. Why is it that when passions are inflamed we choose to argue and fight, when dancing is less injurious, far more enjoyable, and equally effective in resolving the tension? And why do we feel drawn together as a species, yet we steadily build up defensive barriers around our innermost feelings and beliefs so we can never be truly close to anyone? Perhaps the confusion arises because life is not always what it seems. As a species, we are obsessed with superficial appearance. We all have filters on, so we mostly see only what we want to see. When you finally open your eyes, you may be shocked at the obscured way you have been viewing the world to suit your own little plans. With those filters removed, you can take a closer look into yourself and ask objective questions about the universe and your place in it. In other words, investigate the meaning of life. So what is life all about? Well, you often hear “life is a journey,” but a journey to where, exactly? Some people say that life is all about acquiring knowledge. If that’s true, then why do smart people always dress so badly? There are those who say that life has no purpose; it just is. Then there are people who say that we’re simply here to have a family. After all, the desperate need to replace ourselves is etched into the genetic map of every living thing. However, this means that our entire existence is driven by our primitive sexual urges. Okay, sure, a long weekend maybe, but our entire existence? I don’t think so. In fact, come a tiny bit closer and I’ll let you in on a little secret….All these ideas sound completely stupid! The only theme that resonates throughout the numerous popular life theories is love. Love, in all its fragile forms, is the one powerful, enduring force that brings, real meaning to our everyday lives. Of course, I’m not talking about romantic “kissy-kissy” love, although that is pretty powerful stuff in itself. It’s well documented that a broken heart feels far more painful than squeezing lemon juice over a deep paper cut. But the love I mean is the fire that burns inside us all, the inner warmth that prevents our soul from freezing in the winter of despair. It’s the love of life itself. It’s the voice that says “Celebrate life, be creative!” It brings with it the passion and understanding that some things in life are worth dying for, but there is so much more worth living for. It encourages us to greet each moment the same way we greet an old friend at the airport, to embrace opportunities to express ourselves in a way that makes us feel glad we exist. This love of life leads us to help others simply because it feels great to contribute to those around us. We all know how wonderful it feels to be a rock for our family and friends. But as good as it sounds, and as much as “you’re here to live the life you love” rings true, it still brings up a whole pile of sticky questions. Specifically: Why exactly are you here? What is it that you truly love? People who don’t ask themselves these questions invariably go through life wondering why it isn’t a lot more fun. They often feel they’ve been left behind or they can’t quite put it into words but they sense that something just smells a little funny. The truth is that often we’re so focused on what we are doing that we lose sight of where we are going. But, what are we actually doing? The modern world is filled with questionable distractions, deadlines and priorities. Day and night blur into one. We get caught up in an avalanche of fears and desires that propel us into a race we can’t possibly win. So we rush, rush, rush to get to a certain point in our life, and then what? It’s just like when you drive all the way to the store, get out of the car, and then can’t remember what you came for. So many of us start off dreaming about a life that is wild and free, but that’s usually a long way from where we actually end up. Sadly, we often discover this fact right at the end, when it’s too late. You can’t start all over again. And let me tell you, there are some awfully bad feelings in this world. Like, “bubbles in the bath” guilt, “Pungent foot odor in the shoe store” embarrassment, and “I can’t believe I did that on the first date” anxiety. But all of the awful feelings that make you feel sick to your stomach, nothing feels half as bad as knowing you had a chance to do what you truly love, and you didn’t take it. So what is your life’s passion? What were you put on this earth to do? The answer to these questions will unlock the great mystery of life, it’s as big as they come. Here are a few hints that may help you get on the right track. First, no one is going to tell you about it. It’s like walking around all day with a sign o n your back that says “kick me.” You must discover it for yourself. It’s also highly unlikely that one day you’ll suddenly be bathed in bright light and your life’s purpose will be laid out in a divine vision. Yes it’s remotely possible that one day the blood will rush to your brain and enable you to work it all out without too much bother, but the best way is to spend quality time alone, asking yourself the tough questions. For some people this will simply be a case of seeking out the moments in their life that are beautiful and true and then building a plan around them. For others it may feel as if they are staring into an abyss. If you ask yourself the big questions and listen carefully to your heart, you will eventually hear destiny call you. A little voice will always tell you the truth if you are prepared to hear it. At first you may only become aware of how your life has been stuck in a rut. Then you may realize what you really want, but you just can’t quite make it happen. Pretty soon though, it will hit you right between the eyes. Just like when you’re halfway to the beach and suddenly remember you left the iron on at home. And when you know, or even suspect you know, what you should be doing with your life, then do it! Take a wild leap in the dark if you have to, then hit the ground running because you don’t have a second to lose.
In spite of our feelings of invincibility and immortality, our existence is far more tenuous than we might think. Place your hand over your chest and feel your heartbeat. That is actually your life clock ticking, counting down the moments you have left. One day it will stop. That is 100 percent guaranteed, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. So you can’t afford to throw away a single precious second. Go after your dreams with energy and passion, or you may as well stand back and watch them wash down the drain. If you waste your life setting on the fence, you’ll end up going nowhere in the brief time you have left. As they say “You can’t cross a chasm in two small leaps.” It takes courage and commitment to live your dreams. The truth is, we are all born with potential greatness and blessed with numerous opportunities to soar to dizzying new heights. But sadly, many of us are too lazy, too concerned about what others think, or too afraid of change to ever to stretch out our wings and realize our tremendous talents. It’s so important that you just do your own thing-whatever makes you happy-and do it as best you can. The only thing that matters is that you feel great about what you are doing. Keep in mind that whatever you do, mistakes are part of life. So don’t waste time kicking yourself for the past. Don’t stall or stress over whether you’re doing the right thing. You’ll always know the answer in your heart. Rather than be discouraged, always remember that rejection and resistance are almost guaranteed when you are doing something very important and very special. When you set out to live your dreams, lots of people will try to hold you back. In this world there are many miserable pessimists who have given up their dreams and will tell, “You’re wasting time-you’ll never make it.” You may well be surrounded by people who secretly want you to achieve less or even fail completely just so they don’t look bad. “Forget about it,” they’ll say. “It’s not worth it and it’s not right for you anyway.” So it’s important to understand that following your own path is incredibly rewarding, but it’s definitely not easy. Like everyone else, you will have some days that are better than others. Occasionally, everything may seem like a total disaster area. People will look at you strangely when you tell them what you are trying to achieve, and you’ll start to listen to your detractors and doubt yourself. But whatever happens, just hang on. Remember that everybody struggles at times. It’s incredibly draining to live through the day doing something you really don’t enjoy or even care about. But if you follow your dreams, at least you will exhaust yourself doing what you love most. Now, you may not think that this will measure up to much in the global scheme of things. But believe me, it does. When you get the most out of your life, savoring every last drop, it will transform everything about you from ordinary to extraordinary. When you do what you love, you can pull back the bed sheets every morning feeling excited about beginning another day, and you’ll be filled with a heartfelt joy that is highly contagious. By doing what you love most, others will be inspired to go after their dreams, and that is how you change the world. Even if you make big mistakes if you’re wrong about almost everything, you’ll still enjoy an amazing fun-filled life adventure, you will go to sleep at night knowing you gave your all and made a difference, and wake up each day looking forward to a future that is as beautiful and exciting as you can imagine. If you just listen to your heart and use your head, you’ll never be wrong.